"Come on Eddie"

Mom gets restless and likes to get out of the house. She has always been more active than dad and now he has to get up and go with her.  But looking at them truck down the block together was heartening.  Last year dad needed assistance and fatigued easily after his stroke.   July will be the year anniversary
of his stroke,  a moment that will forever define the lives in our family and those close to us.  Alzheimer's on the other hand is insidious.  It plays mind games with those around the affected person and of course with the person.   Did she really forget my name?  Did she forget how to shower?  Oh not yet,  that can't be the stage we have reached!  Everyday a bit more slips away from mom and dad seems to get a bit better.  What a cruel equation that is for them but especially for dad.  He keeps a smile on his face and hope in his heart.  Amazingly he has learned to help mom bathe, he blow dries her hair, goes for walks, and orders her yuck food as he calls it  ( Vegetarian food).  Yesterday she spilled food twice on her pants.  Tom leaned over to help her clean it up and they made more of a mess.  Mom and Tom cracked up and then dad teased mom and mom laughed some more. Those moments of connection are there and for a moment it is like old times again.  But look at Millie and Eddie, what good spirits and sports they are.  We are so lucky to have them as parents.  And they are getting by so much better than 11 months ago.

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Thank you all!!

The Birthday Party - Good as it Gets

Here we are at Ciao Bellas',  yet again.  A happy crew and a low key night celebrating Sararosa's 12th birthday.  She gets older but the rest of this gang just stays put and is doing the Benjamin Buttons thing and getting younger. 

Mom smiles and looks at us and tries to add to the conversation but this is especially difficult to do in a noisy crowded place. We all have a difficult time hearing one another and much of the conversation was dead ending because of that.  Note to self and others, eat outside where mom can comment on planes, flowers and the beautiful night and we can all hear one another.


As we left and headed for home mom notices the roses and the people and the busy street.  She never missed a thing when we were kids.  If we took something like alcohol from the cabinet she noticed the bottles rearranged.  She noticed the good and the bad, the flowers and the beautiful sunset as well as the wool we tried to pull over her eyes.  She continues to have keen senses of sight and sound.  She can hear things most of us can't and she notices small details, like fuzz ball on sweaters. 

In a year Sararosa will be a Bat Mitzvah and I wonder where things will stand with mom and dad and the rest of us for that matter.  For so much of life we look forward to the next age or the next year.  But part of me wants to freeze frame this time for a bit longer.  Sararosa is a beautiful young woman still liking to be with her parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles.   Dad is looking good and thinking more clearly these days and mom is in good spirits.  The rest of us in this picture are happy, healthy,  and loved and in love. What  is ahead for this crew?  We all know Sararosa will become a teen, and the rest of us will grow old watching her go through it.  I brace myself.  But tonight we are just right.    It is as Good as it Gets and we are lucky in so many ways.

A Little of Italy

It was at this moment I knew my parents were at home here in the Twin Cities. We walked into Ciao Bella in Edina and the staff welcomed Eddie and Millie as if they were long time patrons. Dad said they had walked three long blocks to get there and ate a late lunch. Mom had been restless and convinced dad to get a late afternoon lunch. Dad's sense of time is off and mom seems to have lost her sense of time. Anyhow they had enjoyed a long lunch and left a very good tip because the bill confused dad a bit. Their fine and funny dispositions and generous tip left a memorable impression on the staff.

Dad kept saying: " aren't these sauces fine, a little of Italy. " In fact the sauces were fine and the service was tender and efficient. When mom and I took our evening stroll to the restroom the wait staff very gently walked us over and made sure we were taken care of. Almost wiped our..... Kidding.

As I held mom's hand off and on and she pointed out planes , Tom and dad spoke of Italy, the oil spill and Obama's inaction. I think dad has become a chauvinist and thinks men plan trips, speak of politics and figure out the tips. Mom and I sat in our own world as the men spoke. She couldn't find words and got easily frustrated even pointing out the planes. She smiled and couldn't follow the conversation.

The warmth of the late spring season passed over us as we enjoyed the the little taste of Italy together and the warmth of our love and history together felt so good.

The Olive Garden of Green Bay has been left in the dirt! How time change things. Ciao Bella the new " Cheers" a place where they belong.

Here we go again with Lou Reed coming to mind with both of his tunes Beginning of a Great Adventure and Bus Load of Faith to get by.. So which is it?
Two soul mates of the mind sit together creating music. Mom remembers to tell Griff to work on him music, get a girlfriend, not to use drugs, and to work. Griff is amazed by this but " does she remember my name mom" Griff asks after we leave mom and dad once again. Not sure if she does. She has called dad Ellie by accident always correcting herself but not getting it right the next time. More later.

For you Mom

At one point when my son was not doing well and my mom was aware of what was going on she bravely said: " It is not fair that he has to struggle so in life; I have had a good life and something happens to everyone at sometime. I have lived a good life and he hasn't even had a chance. " It is these words that grab my heart with pain and quell it at the same time. What a brave and insightful woman she is and has always been.


It is an odd phenomenon to look into your mother's deep brown eyes and to see her so far away. This has become so obvious as I look at her day to day and in the photos I take. Mom has been so present for us over time. She would listen and think and help you see things a new. She always looked you in the eyes even on the phone I could feel her gaze and attention. Mom always had, and still does, to a large extent had the ability to read how we were doing emotionally. There never was a way to fool her into thinking things were fine when they really weren't. She can still look at me , and I bet my sisters , and ask are things alright honey? She doesn't remember my name, but knows when things aren't right. She has been a coach when I was ready to hang up school, work or parenting any number of times. She hung in there and made me feel like a good parent despite having some really tough kids. She helped us kids and so many of our friends to believe in ourselves. Empathy.

So it is for you mom that I write this blog, It is for your daughters, grandchildren, son in laws and husband and friends to share your life and wisdom. I hope we can preserve these memories and unearth some from the past as well.