Tallit Ceremony

Sararosa is on the brink of becoming a young woman and on Monday she received her Tallit and the ethical will we wrote.    She insisted on having her Bubbe and Zayde there for the ceremony.    Despite my best efforts I could not get out of bed and help my dad get mom ready for the morning.  I was exhausted from the half marathon I had run the day before and the sleep deprivation of the nights before.  Dad is the only person besides me, in the family that can really get going in the morning no matter the time.  When he and I would go to professional meetings in Boston he was always up way before me grooming for the day.  In other words I should not  have been surprised that he was up and ready and waiting for me.  All was set except he didn't know how to blow dry mom's hair.  Got to laugh cause I don't think she was much into blow drying her hair.  Well we arrived just in time to a wonderfully crowded room and had to squish into the corner and stretch our necks to see.   A fantastic feeling to have a room filled with nachus and kids eager about their Judaism.  Mom hung with us with her dripping nose and dirty Kleenex.  I needed to get more for her and she kept showing me but I didn't want to miss the ceremony. She kept looking at me as if I had wronged her.  Not anger in her eyes, just not understanding why I didn't get the Kleenex immediately for her.  It was after the ceremony that mom started her gig and being silly.  She used to do this in a more appropriate manner with my friends when I was Sararosa's age.   Even then I was embarrassed even though my friends adored her.    That guilty feeling of embarrassment rose in me once again but this time I had shame with it.    How can I be so obtuse?  She has Alzheimer's, a brain disorder.  What she was doing was nothing to be ashamed of.  But old feelings and habits die hard for all of us.  I am sure it was her way of releasing anxiety and trying to interact with the kids.  Sararosa was so good to her and nicely redirected her.    Then I blow it again by pointing out dad's nose hairs/ Both Tom and dad said I meddled too much.  They are right, so right.  I think it anxiety that elicits that behavior.    We all continue to grow.  Sararosa is on the brink of becoming a young woman and is well equipped for it.  Mom is moving as gracefully through the stages of Alzheimer's with as much dignity and integrity as any person can.  I anxiously look at what is ahead and wonder what will happen to me in the years ahead.